April Fool’s Day Shenanigans

First things first, I apologize for forgetting to post last Saturday. I completely forgot until Monday afternoon. I’m terribly sorry.

Now, for the primary topic of this post. As many of you know, yesterday was the famed April Fool’s Day. This is a day for light-hearted pranks and general carnage.

I truly love this particular day as it allows me to work out all my creativity in one massive attack on my loved ones.

This year, there were two main victims: Judy and Billy (a lovely engaged couple who share the misfortune of being my best friends) and Eric (my poor boyfriend who did not realize what he was getting himself into).

First, I enlisted Eric to help me prank Billy and Judy. We started by simply adding some red food dye to the spout of their sinks…

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Then I stopped up every squeeze bottle in their house with plastic wrap…

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This makes it so that the squeeze bottles can’t actually release their contents…

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Literally every bottle, from their bath products to their condiments, received the plastic wrap treatment.

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While I was doing this,

Eric took it upon himself to adhere googly eyes to as many products in their kitchen as he could.

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Nothing was safe.

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Even the eggs gained the ability to see into your soul.

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Bottles should not appear to be so sentient.

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We literally gave everything eyes.

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Finally, we spent over an hour inflating balloons to fill their bathroom. We put just a touch of water in two of them to add a little splash to the popping experience…

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I will post a link to a compilation of Billy’s Snapchat story at the end of this post. For now, I will tell you about what I am calling the Triple Brownie prank I pulled on Eric.

The first stage of this prank was to make a pan of brown E’s.

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The second step took a bit more skill than just cutting out paper…

I had to first consume by decoy brownie (this action will be mentioned again in a few lines).

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Then, I took a piece of kitchen sponge and frosted it (I forgot to get a picture prior to frosting the sponge).

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I’m sure you can see where prank is headed! However, the above image does not strike me as a very professional brownie, the likes of which any Hannaford baker would have been proud to produce, so I added some chocolate chips as a garnish.

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Finally, I secured it in the container I had purchased my decoy brownie in. Doesn’t it look delicious?

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The first part of the Triple Brownie prank was initiated when I told Eric and my family that I had made a pan of brown E’s. Of course, they only found pieces of paper, shaped like E’s and smelling of sharpie (I didn’t have brown paper so I had to color them).

Then, I told Eric I had bought him a fancy brownie from Hannaford as a kind of consolation gift for surviving his first April Fool’s Day with me, the ultimate prankster. I presented him with the sponge brownie in its Hannaford container. I even wrapped the container in a plastic Hannaford bag to really sell it. He said it looked amazing, and attempted to dig in. Tragically (for him), he was met with the resistance of a fresh kitchen sponge rather than the delicate moisture of a fresh, delicious brownie.

The third part of the prank was initiated when my mother said, “You know, there was a brownie in that container at one point. So, there is a brownie around here somewhere.” Eric’s eyes lit up with a kind of maniacal greed, and he demanded that I give it to him.

Well, as you, my dear and favored readers know, I ate that brownie. Upon hearing this fact, Eric launched forth from his perch on the couch and charged me. Thankfully, I had seen the rage ignite in his eyes, and I, too, began running in an attempt to escape the tortured bull on my tail.

I thought I might find sanctuary behind the locked door of the bathroom, but I wasn’t quick enough. I made it through the door only to have my darling boyfriend crash into it as I slammed it shut. I dove behind the shower curtain, again hoping he would give up. Spoiler alert: he didn’t.

Instead, he turned on the shower. Being of significantly greater size and strength, he could easily keep me trapped beneath the torrent of water that soaked my clothes and chilled me to the bone.

This thrilling prank ended with both of us laughing uncontrollably, and he only holds a slight grudge because he never did get a brownie that day.


Thank you all for bearing through that outrageous story. I think I got a little carried away. As a consolation prize, I will gift you with the compilation of Billy’s Snapchat story from April Fool’s Day.

Enjoy!

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Ocean

Play with fire

And you’re bound to get burned.

That’s what they told you,

And boy, they were right.

But I’m not an extinguishable flame.

I’m not a fleeting flicker in your life.

Boy, I’m so much more dangerous

Than a meek little spark.

I’m the caress of the waves

Lapping your feet in summer’s sweet heat.

I’m the calm of the sea 

Dancing with the setting sun.

I’m the adventurous ripetide,

Prying your toes from the safety of shore.

I’m the foaming crests,

Thrilling your boat through the storm.

I’m the uncontainable power

Pulling you under then lifting you high.

Boy, I’m an ocean.

Come master my waves.

***

This one has been pulled from the archives. I forgot to wrote something earlier, and being away from my laptop (at a friend’s house) has killed any late-night ambitions I my have had. I hope you don’t mind this randomly selected copy-and-paste piece.

Opinion on Opinions

This week, I’m going to break away from the monotonous onslaught of poetry I have been posted the past several weeks and post an opinion piece.

This is my opinion on opinions.

I recently started teaching a unit on racism in the classroom I am student teaching in. As you know, racism is a very sensitive topic, and there are a great deal of opposing views, even just at the high school level. Because of this, it was my duty as the teacher to ensure that my students knew what was expected of them during these discussions. Now, onto the point of this post.

Everyone has their opinions.

Poof. End of story. That’s it.

These opinions are all okay to have. Yes, even the ones that may or may not be considered hateful. That’s the beauty of being human. We are supposed to think differently from one another. Our brains are so advanced that to think identically to our peers would make the past several thousand years of evolution pointless. We are individuals who have each experienced different events and reacted in different ways. That’s the beauty of the human condition.

HOWEVER!

These opinions become bad only when they actually alter the behavior of the human afflicted by them. This occurs when people stop discussing their beliefs with their fellow humans in a mature and calm fashion. The passion some individuals feel for certain subjects can boil up and blind them to their actions in the heat of discussion.

Humans are cursed with the ability to control their actions. Our brains have developed to the point where we are incredibly aware of our decisions and the consequences, regardless of whether or not we choose to acknowledge that fact (yes, of course there are exceptions in situations involving conditions such as mental illnesses. However, please note that I am speaking on a more general level).

Everyone has the choice to use their overly-developed brains to control their actions and reactions. Choosing to neglect the responsibility we all have as wielders of intelligence and functioning gray matter results in ruthless Facebook comment wars, spittle-flinging screaming matches, and destroyed interpersonal relationships.

Concluding thought: As I told my students prior to beginning our discussion on racism, your opinions are okay. Your belief model, political party, or lifestyle does not render your opinion ‘wrong.’ These things do not make you a bad or a good person. They do not have to limit your friendships and discussions. The only way these things will ever affect you negatively is when the passion you have for them morphs you into an unnecessary raging lunatic who cannot calm down enough to understand that some people do not share the same beliefs.

The point I am trying to get across is that you, as an opinionated person, don’t need to be a jerk. You can have civil conversations with people of opposing beliefs. You can choose not to involve yourself in an argument on Facebook. You can choose to construct your thoughts with facts and credible sources rather than with fallacious information and petty insults.

You owe it to yourself to be a well-mannered, opinionated, socially-advanced creature. So don’t be a jerk.

Chronic Late Poster

Hey all,

I realize I missed Saturday’s post yet again. In all honesty it was because I lacked time to write. (I’ve been “galavanting with a guy,” as my mother would say).

To combat my horrible habit of not having time, inspiration, or energy to write, I decided to purchase a book using some of my B&N gift cards.

Here it is! Finish the Story, published by Piccadilly. It lists the first sentence or two of a story at the top of at blank note page and let’s you finish it off! I’m really excited to see what I can come up with, so hopefully I’ll have a fresh story for you this weekend instead of another lame poem!

Above

High above the world

I sit and ponder.

It is all so very small,

Each house a little spot

And each human a little speck.

Everything is all so tiny,

But my sight has grown immensely.

I see all the mountains.

They were once far too large to appreciate.

I see every single tree,

Even the ones in the middle of the thickest wood.

I see the ocean’s edge,

So many miles away.

I see an entire lake,

And every island within its mass.

I am so high above it all

That I can see it all.

I want to stay this high forever,

But I cannot see the stories.

I cannot know the truths and lies

From so far up above.

I can only learn those

As a speck myself.

And so I leave my mountain’s edge

And descend once more.

maidens-cliff

Photo taken near the Maiden’s Cliff trail summit, Camden, ME.

Poetry Challenge: Cheese Edition

Bland and unmemorable,

The edible kin of Stephenie Meyer’s vocabulary in Twilight,

It struggles to find use as even a filler cheese.

Oh, how I hate ricotta.

Dull and mushy,

Nothing without the aid of other flavors,

Yet, somehow, a dream among the cheeses when dancing with preserves.

Oh, how I dislike brie.

Sharp and melty,

The most versatile of all the cheeses,

Its applications are limitless as it frolics across the cheese-based dishes.

Oh, how I like cheddar.

Smokey and strong,

An alpha in the cheese department at Hannaford’s,

It’s a cheese I could consume by the wedge.

Oh, how I love Gouda.


I the inspiration for this poem came from poetryprompts.tumblr.com. It was “Choose four different things: one that you hate, dislike, like, and love. Make sure all are relatively related (all foods or personality traits or colors). Write a poem in which you include this spectrum of things you care very differently about and the relationship between the chosen things.”

In case you didn’t notice, I chose to go with one of my favorite topics: cheese. I would like to take this moment to point out that I don’t actually dislike any of these cheeses 100%. Ricotta and brie are just better mixed with things than they are stand-alone cheeses. However, ricotta is the most replaceable of all the cheeses I have ever tasted…

Unrequited Love

Oh, what a chore it is to fall into a

Desolate,

Taunting,

Unrequited

Love.

To have one’s hope frolic and leap at the sight of a body,

Or the smile of a face,

Or the sound of a voice,

Only to have that hope misstep and soar

Over the edge,

Off a high cliff,

And dash itself among the rocks of reason below.

To turn one’s mind away from the carnage of a shattered heart

Only to feel it rise from its wreckage

And climb back up to its lofty point,

Ignoring the scars that shaped it.


Well, it’s a day late and a buck short, but I managed to get it up!

This poem was inspired by the struggles of a friend, but I think it would ring true for a lot of people who’ve ever loved and not been loved in return.

On a slightly less depressing note, my student teaching experience is going well, and a massive storm system has just hit my area. We are supposed to get anywhere from 16-24 inches, but getting over 30 won’t be a surprise!

Here’s a picture of a cute little snowflake that landed inside my car door yesterday to make up for the heartache of this poem!

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