“Life’s Uncertain, Eat Dessert First”

Photo credit to Judy and Billy, my two best friends whose Snap Stories I stole…

“Life’s uncertain, eat dessert first.”

These are the words from a decorative wall hanging at a diner my father used to take me to as a child. At the time, these words were nothing more to me than a way to convince Pa to let me have sugary cereal or more syrup on my pancakes. Now, these words have come to mean so much more to me.

I love food, and this has led me to think of life as a kind of meal.

The simple things that are seemingly unimportant, those interactions with strangers, the familiar cars you pass every morning on your way to work, the smile someone gives you when you hold the door, the adrenaline that comes from being 20 minutes late for a date—these are all the appetizers of life. They can keep you going, and they’re good, but they make you want more.

The big things in life, the important things, your job, your obligations, your hobbies, your home, your favorite stores—these things are the entrée. They are the biggest part of your life. You can skip the appetizer, but you cannot skip the main part of the meal. That’s just plain wrong.

My favorite part of a meal—and of life—is dessert. It’s the sweetest part. It’s the most memorable part of a meal. The greatest dessert life has to offer is the little moments with those you love the most. For me, these are family gatherings, unplanned picnics with my best friends, a yearly movie night to watch the new Star Wars with my townie friend from college, the unspoken words passed between two people who know each other just with a second of eye contact, and so many more. These things may seem distant and pointless to others, but to me, these moments are what make life worth it. I could live without them, but I’m so glad I don’t have to—just like I don’t have to live without that chocolate lava cake after my meal.

The thing is, I’ve caught myself pushing these moments shared with the ones I love the most to the back burner. I’ve been saving dessert for last. The thing is, maybe I’ll choke while eating my meal. Maybe the rest of life will suck me in so far that I lose myself before I ever get to have another moment with my friends or family. The thing is, I might get so wrapped up in life that I forget to appreciate the sweetest parts of my life.

The thing is, our time here is short. I will never know when my last “dessert” moment will be. I will never know when I might share my last laugh with any of my loved ones. The thing is that at any moment I could lose the ability to have another special moment with the people I love the most.

I realize that I am seemingly spiraling into some form of existential crisis, but some strange part of me believes this to be a good thing. I’m going to take a wild guess that this is pretty normal for people to encounter at some stage in their lives. It is a time when you realize your own mortality and mortality of your favorite people. I’m finally realizing all of this almost two full months after a friend of mine passed, and we never got to “hang out again sometime” as we had planned.

There are accidents, mistakes, and fights. People leave and never come back. There is always a last embrace, a last kiss goodnight, and a last laugh. I just hope I can make each of these a priority.

“Life’s uncertain, eat dessert first”

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April Fool’s Day Shenanigans

First things first, I apologize for forgetting to post last Saturday. I completely forgot until Monday afternoon. I’m terribly sorry.

Now, for the primary topic of this post. As many of you know, yesterday was the famed April Fool’s Day. This is a day for light-hearted pranks and general carnage.

I truly love this particular day as it allows me to work out all my creativity in one massive attack on my loved ones.

This year, there were two main victims: Judy and Billy (a lovely engaged couple who share the misfortune of being my best friends) and Eric (my poor boyfriend who did not realize what he was getting himself into).

First, I enlisted Eric to help me prank Billy and Judy. We started by simply adding some red food dye to the spout of their sinks…

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Then I stopped up every squeeze bottle in their house with plastic wrap…

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This makes it so that the squeeze bottles can’t actually release their contents…

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Literally every bottle, from their bath products to their condiments, received the plastic wrap treatment.

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While I was doing this,

Eric took it upon himself to adhere googly eyes to as many products in their kitchen as he could.

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Nothing was safe.

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Even the eggs gained the ability to see into your soul.

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Bottles should not appear to be so sentient.

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We literally gave everything eyes.

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Finally, we spent over an hour inflating balloons to fill their bathroom. We put just a touch of water in two of them to add a little splash to the popping experience…

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I will post a link to a compilation of Billy’s Snapchat story at the end of this post. For now, I will tell you about what I am calling the Triple Brownie prank I pulled on Eric.

The first stage of this prank was to make a pan of brown E’s.

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The second step took a bit more skill than just cutting out paper…

I had to first consume by decoy brownie (this action will be mentioned again in a few lines).

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Then, I took a piece of kitchen sponge and frosted it (I forgot to get a picture prior to frosting the sponge).

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I’m sure you can see where prank is headed! However, the above image does not strike me as a very professional brownie, the likes of which any Hannaford baker would have been proud to produce, so I added some chocolate chips as a garnish.

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Finally, I secured it in the container I had purchased my decoy brownie in. Doesn’t it look delicious?

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The first part of the Triple Brownie prank was initiated when I told Eric and my family that I had made a pan of brown E’s. Of course, they only found pieces of paper, shaped like E’s and smelling of sharpie (I didn’t have brown paper so I had to color them).

Then, I told Eric I had bought him a fancy brownie from Hannaford as a kind of consolation gift for surviving his first April Fool’s Day with me, the ultimate prankster. I presented him with the sponge brownie in its Hannaford container. I even wrapped the container in a plastic Hannaford bag to really sell it. He said it looked amazing, and attempted to dig in. Tragically (for him), he was met with the resistance of a fresh kitchen sponge rather than the delicate moisture of a fresh, delicious brownie.

The third part of the prank was initiated when my mother said, “You know, there was a brownie in that container at one point. So, there is a brownie around here somewhere.” Eric’s eyes lit up with a kind of maniacal greed, and he demanded that I give it to him.

Well, as you, my dear and favored readers know, I ate that brownie. Upon hearing this fact, Eric launched forth from his perch on the couch and charged me. Thankfully, I had seen the rage ignite in his eyes, and I, too, began running in an attempt to escape the tortured bull on my tail.

I thought I might find sanctuary behind the locked door of the bathroom, but I wasn’t quick enough. I made it through the door only to have my darling boyfriend crash into it as I slammed it shut. I dove behind the shower curtain, again hoping he would give up. Spoiler alert: he didn’t.

Instead, he turned on the shower. Being of significantly greater size and strength, he could easily keep me trapped beneath the torrent of water that soaked my clothes and chilled me to the bone.

This thrilling prank ended with both of us laughing uncontrollably, and he only holds a slight grudge because he never did get a brownie that day.


Thank you all for bearing through that outrageous story. I think I got a little carried away. As a consolation prize, I will gift you with the compilation of Billy’s Snapchat story from April Fool’s Day.

Enjoy!