Hello once more!
I am terribly sorry that, once again, this post is late, but at least it is happening this time and not getting shoved aside like some previous ones have been…
Anywho, This post is going to be a little different. I was going to make a post all about the awesome types of pigeons there are in the world, but I will most likely leave that for next week. This post is going to be just for me. You can read it but I am writing it for me.
Last night, I was upset about having to go back to school and leave my home, family, friends, and the fair I am working at. I confided in my mom that I don’t feel like I ‘fit’ in my education classes because sometimes my ideas are really ‘out there,’ as some put it. She told me that it was the loss of everyone in that class to not understand how my mind works. In hindsight, I was just over reacting. While I might not have the super-close friendships that so many of my fellow ed-majors have with one another, I get along with them all pretty well.
However, this is the first time that someone has ever told me that other people not understanding how I think is “their loss.” Mum’s words triggered a thought process in my mind during the 55 minute drive back to my college apartment (which apparently now smells very strongly of a certain plant, compliments of the new neighbors).
I’m done watering myself down for others. I realize that I often hold back the thoughts and ideas that I think are the most fascinating. Those closest to me get to hear them all the time, but many others see me only as the quite person sitting in class with a ball of yarn and a crochet hook, keeping my mouth shut because I am worried about talking too much.
I do not want to be that person for my whole life.
I want to be free to be myself. I want to explode with my ideas instead of keeping them under lock and key. I want to sing when I feel like it instead of only whispering the lyrics under my breath. I want to not be embarrassed for any aggressive typing that so many people call me out for. I am done biting my tongue when someone asks me my opinion. I am done sugar-coating stuff just because the world is touchy-feely place. I’m going to be myself, and I am going to be happy. After all, 2016 has been such a great year, and this has been such an amazing summer. It would be a shame to end the year curled up in a prison I built for myself.
The person I am when I am with my best friends and closest family is who I am happiest being.
I will be ending this short post with one of my favorite quotes of all times. It is from Shakespeare’s Othello and spoken by my favorite character in the play, Emilia.
“All, all cry shame against me, yet I’ll speak” (Act IV, Scene II, line 234).
Emilia says this as she reveals that her husband was the conniving eggplant who ruined Desdemona and Othello’s relationship. Of course, the dodo ran her through with his sword, but she spoke the truth. She knew what she needed to say and so she said it despite the consequences.
I don’t plan on being run through with any swords, but I do vow to be myself and live with as much freedom and expression as I can (while still being a responsible and employable human being of course). I’m coming out of my shell.
I vow to sing and paint and write and be as I wish.
I vow to be incredibly, uninhibitedly, me.